I made it through the weekend. I actually made it through the weekend without having any alcohol. Was it easy? No it was not. Not at all. Belle got back to me with an opening in her Sober Jumpstart class on Friday and I am pretty sure that is the extra bit of chutzpa I needed. Belle is the lovely human who authors the 'Tired of Thinking About Drinking' site, book and program that I have added to my arsenal this time around. If you are contemplating a sober existence, I highly recommend a visit to her site.
But yes. An entire weekend without alcohol. Who knew it could be done? And I got a lot done too, because I made sure I had a task or a chore or an errand to keep me busy until it was time to go to sleep. I had to! It seems that my sobriety's biggest enemy is boredom and or silence. This is not the time for me to sit quietly and reflect. But I can read. Reading is escape, which I definitely seek. Right now I am the antithesis of mindful, I am wholly unable to live in the moment at this moment. But I will learn, I know I will learn. When it comes to understanding how I feel - all I can do now is dip my big toe in the emotional pool now and again.
7 days without alcohol and I feel like an exposed raw nerve. The world seems scarier - and bigger - Twice now I have cried over Facebook posts that barely merit a glance, let alone an emotional response. Once I cried because news of the presidential election here in the US overwhelmed me with hopelessness (although I doubt I am alone there...WTF America?) and another time I cried because a lawn mower wouldn't start.
Also I learned how fucking crazy my brain is. This morning I woke up, feeling pretty good about making it to Day 7, and the first thought that popped into my brain was, "we should celebrate after work!". This begs two questions: 1) Who is the other member of 'we'? 2) What is wrong with me?
S'ok though. I am not falling for it. NOT TODAY.
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