I hope this isn't the 'real' me yet.

So here I am at Day 16.  A full fortnight of sobriety under my belt and here is what I know so far:

1)  I feel like I totally got this schizle handled....right up until I don't.  Seriously, I am fine so long as there are no bumps in the road, and I am still no expert in preventive bump identification.  But so far, when I DO hit them I have been able to stop myself long enough to listen to a podcast. or read a sober blog, or to administer a piece of chocolate or an olive or a shot of chocolate milk, etc.  So far.
2)  I am having to say no to a LOT of things.  No more Facebook, CNN or New Yorker (esp. with this m-f'ing election in full swing).  No going to certain restaurants where I always had a mai-tai, or vodka cranberry or Captain n'diet.  Never Captain n'diet.  Never.  Just NO.  No concerts, no parties, no brunch anywhere I have ever had brunch before (because of the shady little mimosas- sneaky little bastards).  In addition there are a couple of friends I will be avoiding for at least another month.
3)  Boyfriend drinks a lot more than I realized.  This is readily apparent over the last week and it is extremely troubling.
4)  When I subtract my drinking friends from my friend total, I have very few friends.  Oddly, I am ok with this, I truly am.  Why is that?  Well, I think it is because it is going to take a while for the 'real' me to show up.  I am very excited to find out who she is, but I also know that this process is going to take a while.  I left 'real' me behind waaaaay back in high school, when I decided to become some twisted version of a chameleon.  A girl who would go to any lengths, bottle up any unwelcome emotion/reaction/opinion, twist herself up into any shape necessary to stay invisible and avoid conflict.  A girl who would happily trade self for affection.
5)  All TV shows from this decade have their characters walking through life with a glass of wine or a bottle of beer in their hand.  WTF?  How did I never notice this?
6)  It is too early to look back at all of the many, many, many mistakes and what-ifs of my life with alcohol.  Looking back at past behavior, incidents, disasters is akin to looking directly into the sun.  It burns and I know that if I contemplate all of that now, I will get a wicked case of the fuck-its.  The only way to look right now is forward, what's next, what can I contribute now?  And most importantly:  how long until I can go to bed and get to Day 17?

This is hard, but I want it more than anything.  So fuck how hard it is and do it anyway.