Just double checked and here I am at Day 9, a place I have definitely not been to in 19 years and at least 3 months. It is odd to think about it, and disturbing to think how casually I make that statement. To my mind, it sounds like going 9 days without drinking one time in 19 years is a huge accomplishment of some sort. It certainly seems akin to climbing a mountain. The hard truth is that for me (and many others like me) it really is a big hairy deal. What is difficult for me to accept and embrace is that in order to change this one behavior, repair this one chip in my teacup - I am having to funnel about 85% of my mental resources to the project. I cannot believe how much energy this has taken! And so I keep reading ahead in others' recovery blogs hoping to find proof that this will one day be less of an energy drain.
In addition I continue to remind myself that I quit smoking 10 years ago. That was ridiculously hard, probably harder than this, but I did it. And I never look back anymore, I don't miss the smokes - when I see a box of the brand I used to smoke there is no desire to pick them back up. So it can be done. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....
I also imagine my bloated, exhausted, overworked liver working overtime to fix itself. Mr. Liver has not had this much time to make repairs in decades. I would imagine around Day 4 he sent out patrols to make sure the rest of the body was still up and running. "Did she finally kick?", "Are we brain dead?", "Are we lost at sea on a booze free inner tube?" he would ask. Once assured that the whole operation is still running, he probably began clean-up in earnest. And who am I to screw up all of that hard work? Who am I to interfere with healing? If Mr. L is willing to attempt to fix the mess I have made of him then I owe it to him to stay out of the way!
On to Day 10. TEN! Double Digits!!
No comments:
Post a Comment